Futurama Bender Blackjack Quote

Bender's Game is a 2008 direct-to-DVD animated film based on the Futurama series.

1. Futurama Bender Blackjack Quotes
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Fry[edit]

• When will young people learn that playing 'Dungeons and Dragons' doesn't make you cool!
• [after arriving in Cornwood] Where the hell are we? Hell?
• [Climbing through chicken hatch] This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the chickens.
• Have you seen Bender? He's gone crazy! [Holding a carton] Also, smell this milk.
• All right, I may be weak and I may be small, but I don't see how I can possibly destroy that monster.
• There’s so many killbots behind us, I can’t count them all. Three, I think.
• That blade missed me by the skin of my pants. [A shot of Fry’s behind reveals his pants ripped.]

Bender[edit]

• Hey that punk stole our hood ornament! Now no one will know we have the LX Package!
• [after the ship starts again] There's gas in our ass!
• I know not of this 'Bender'! I am Titanius Anglesmith, Fancy Man of Cornwood!
• Finally, we made it out of that godforsaken cave! So what's the fastest way home, back through the cave?
• Methinks we be boned.

Others[edit]

• Igner: [repeated line] We're owl exterminators.
• Leegola: Onward brave cowards!
• George Takei: [at the Space Demolition Derby] Way to kill the franchise, Bakula!
• Dr. Perceptron: [Bender is in a group therapy session involving being hit in the head by hammers] Now Stop! Hammertime!
• Roberto: [Repeated line] BOOKALEEMOOKALEE!
• Rosie the Robot Maid: Everything must be clean. Very clean. That's why the dog had to die. He was a dirty dog. Dirty. Dirty. Also that boy Elroy. Dirty. Dirty.
• The Swamp Hag: [repeated line] Get out of my swamp, you kids!
• Titanius: Me thinks we be boned.
• Roberto: You're not made of Tuesday!
• Professor: There's just one small problem, and it's a big one.
• Greyfarn: Fear not Titanius for we still have one hope, the Cave of Hopelessness!
• Professor: Everybody out of the conference room! I'm calling a conference! [to all, in an adjacent room] Everybody get in here!
• Roberto: I was built by a team of scientists, trying to create an insane robot...but it looks like they failed!
• Scary Door Announcer: In the end, it was not guns or bombs that defeated the aliens, but that humblest of all God's creatures, the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
• Morcs: [chanting] Eat the wizard, eat the slut, eat the robot's shiny butt!
• Greyfarn: Alas, Frydo's weakness was no match for the dices power.
• Hermaphrodite: Your friends soon face certain death, followed by a disrespectful marionette show performed with their corpses.

Dialogue[edit]

Dr. Perceptron: I was in your seat, I forgot that we had changed places

Mad Hatterbot: CHANGE PLACES?

Bender: Watcha doin', mini-meatbags? Underage gambling? Shame on you. Count me in! [puts money on desk]

Dwight: We're not gambling, we're playing 'Dungeons and Dragons!'

Morcs (Singing): Eat the wizard, Eat the Slut, Eat the Robot Shiny butt.

Gynecaladriel (Amy): Well at least we'll be remember by song.

Titanius (Bender): Wait a second, I have an idea. [seizes his comrades] I surrender! Here, eat my friends! Just give me one more second of sweet, sweet life!

Dragon Fry: So it comes down to this, a dungeon, and dragons!

Zoidberg: I didn't see it coming.

Titanius Anglesmith: [to Roberto as king of Wipecastle] Oh great king, your army is the last hope of Cornwood. Let us join forces, before the light of good is extinguished forever!

Roberto: You calling me crazy!? Just coz I got a hotel in my foot don't make me a BOOGALEE-MOOGALEE-MOOGALEE!!

Titanius: Pardon?

Roberto: [draws sword] Stop laughing at me, flyin' avocado! [shrieking while stabbing]

Titanius: [after talking with king of wipe castle] Okay, since I'm the only robot here who isn't [makes crazy noises with his finger on his mouth], I declare myself leader of the royal army!

Guard 1: What royal army might that be?

Titanius: Huh?

Guard 2: When the king went insane, he declared war on scallops, so he tied the army to a boat and sent them out to sea. They were never seen again!

Guard 1: Scallops musta got em.

Fry: Hey Professor can I ask you something about Bender?

Professor: Of course Fry, show me where on this anatomically correct doll where he touched you.

[Fry and Leela end up on a fantasy planet and Leela comes out as a centaur ]

Leegola [Leela]: Oh, Lord, I'm half-horse and half-naked.

Leegola: What else can we slay? Is that a Hobbit over there?

Titanius [Bender]: No, that's a hobo and a rabbit, but they're making a hobbit.

Frydo [Fry]: So this land is real?

Greyfarn [Professor]: Oh, dreadfully real. If you die here you'll really be dead. But instead of science we believe in crazy hocus pocus. It's sort of like Kansas.

Leegola: God help us.

[As the professor recognizes Mom's sons]

Professor: Walt, the leader among imbeciles!

Walt: Hey, they resent that!

Professor: Larry, the sniveling middle child.

Larry: [nervously] Sorry. Thank you.

Professor: And you, Igner. The evil I can tolerate. But the stupidity.

Igner: We're owl exterminators.

Professor: Good God! Just knowing we're in the same genus makes me embarrassed to call myself homo! [children laugh]

[Greyfarn (Professor Farnsworth) and Ignus (Igner) are dueling with lightsabers]

Ignus: Mommy never told you about my father.

Greyfarn: She said he was a foul He-demon.

Ignus: Exactly. You are my father.

Greyfarn: No. No, that's impossible.

Ignus: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Greyfarn: No, no!

Ignus: Yah-hah. I heard Mommy say so.

Dr. Perceptron: I will now delicately jerk out your imagination, severing fantasy's grip on your nerd-circuit.

[the dark matter resonance appears and Bender begins to fade into nothingness]

Bender: [as he disappears] Coooooornwooooooooooooood!

Dr. Perceptron: Illogical. Illogical. Computational overload.

Nurse Ratchet: But doctor, I love you.

[Dr. Perceptron smashes his own head]

Computer Voice: (alarm sound) Warning. Out of dark matter fuel.

Leela: That's not a warning! A warning's supposed come before something bad happens.

Computer Voice: (alarm sound) Warning. Engines will shut down in one second.

Leela: That's more like it.

Professor: Who did this? Answer now or be punished.

Leela: Fine, I admit it. It was me.

Professor: You will be punished!

Zoidberg: Amy, cancel my appointments.

Amy: [on intercom] Stop calling me!

Hermes: As a result of these losses, we will no longer be providing complimentary porno mags in the lobby.

Scruffy: Durnit.

Walt: How was the interview, mother?

Mom: It made me want to puke my face off!

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

• Bender's Game quotes at the Internet Movie Database

Bender's Big Score is a 2007 straight-to-DVD animated film based on the Futurama series.Directed by Dwayne-Carey Hill. Written by Ken Keeler, based on a story by Keeler and David X. Cohen.

Bender[edit]

• I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen.
• Sweet photons. I don't know if you're waves or particles, but you go down smooth!
• Here's your Gutenberg Bible, masters, plus the Colonel's Secret Recipe: Chicken, Grease, Salt!
• 001100010010011110100001101101110011
• Must obey orders. Ohhhhh. Mustn't kill friend!! Ohhhhhh! Badly want to urinate!!!!!
• [monotone] Entering auto destruct sequence. [normal] Awww crap, I hate auto destruct sequence! [monotone] Explosion in 7, 6,-- [Fry's duplicate kicks Bender's duplicate who stumbles back into a cryotube, Fry turns the control to one million years]
• [monotone] 5-- [normal] Hey, I'm supposed to be the one saying cool things! [Gets frozen]
• Fry old buddy, it's me, Bender! [blows up Fry's apartment]
• While I was hacking off the Professor's hand with an extremely dull saw, I had time to think. Who could use a doomsday device more, the scammers, or me, Bender? After several minutes of steady sawing, I had the answer. Me, Bender!
• Hey ! I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do.
• [monotone]--4, 3, 2, [normal voice] 1, BOOM! [Nothing happens. Bender laughs] Woah! [he explodes, killing Nudar and Lars]
• Well, we're boned!

Fry[edit]

• [sarcastically] Oh, hooray. It's handsome Lars and his fabulous jars.
• But she needs what'll make her happy, not what'll make me happy.

Hermes[edit]

• Without my body I'm a nobody.

• Kiss my front butt!

Leela[edit]

• [Considering what to wear on her date with Lars] Ooh, I think I'll wear that slutty dress I've been saving for Easter!

Lars[edit]

• Sir, you're just a little enraged because you're dying. Up and away!

• Wait for me, Leela! I'll be there in a thousand years!

Professor Farnsworth[edit]

• I'm sciencing as fast as I can!
• I can wire anything directly into anything - I'm The Professor!
• In his (Hermes') absence I am calling a mandatory company meeting. To the mandatorium!

Futurama Bender Blackjack Quotes

Nibbler[edit]

• Everyone out of the universe! Quick!

• There, I saved the space-time continuum and 40% of your rectum.

Dr. Zoidberg[edit]

• I'm a surgeon; when I see two body parts I sew them together and see what happens!

Others[edit]

• Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim. Now goodbye forever.

• Zapp Brannigan: We fight this battle not for ourselves, but for our children, and our children's children, which is why I'm forming a children's brigade.

• Al Gore: [in the year 2012] That hundred dollars could have gotten me...one gallon of gas. [ominous music]

• Al Gore: Finally! I get to save the Earth with deadly lasers instead of deadly slide shows.

Dialogue[edit]

Professor Farnsworth: Yes? I see… [hangs up phone] Good news, everyone! Those asinine morons who canceled us were themselves fired for incompetence. [The crew cheers] And not just fired, but beaten up, too…and pretty badly. [The crew cheers doubtfully] In fact, most of them died from their injuries. [The crew remains silent. Bender laughs] And then they were ground up into a fine pink powder.

Fry: Why?

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, it's got a million and one uses. [Pours some down his pants] Ah, that soothes the fire.

Hermes: What's the matter, robot? You got a rod up your spine?

Bender: Yes, I do. That's how I'm built.

[Fry has just reappeared in the 31st Century, after Bender apparently killed him in 2012.]

Bender: Fry! You're not dead! Unless...

[Bender punches Fry in the stomach.]

Bender: No, he's not a zombie. But I don't want people to think I'm incompetent, so I'd better kill you just to be sure.

[Bender pulls out a croquet mallet, and prepares to swing it at Fry. The Professor pulls it out of his hands.]

Professor Farnsworth: Bender! Stop killing for a minute!

[Nudar is threatening Scruffy with a gun.]

Nudar: [to Bender] You! Read the code or I'll shoot this guy!

Bender: Who the hell is he?

Scruffy: I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Bender: Hang on, Scruffy!

Leela: What is the secret of time travel doing on Fry's ass?

Fry: It was bound to be somewhere.

Nibbler: Alas, our Kitten-class attack ships were no match for their mighty chairs. The universe is doomed, doomed!

Fry: Can I pull up my pants now?

Nibbler: Doomed!

[Bender shows up with the incomplete Mona Lisa from the past.]

Bender: Sorry, it's not quite finished.

Schlump: Da Vinci give you any trouble?

Bender: Let's just say he might not make it to The Last Supper.

Professor Farnsworth: Time travel is impossible!

Fry: But Professor, you time traveled yourself remember? When we went back to Roswell?

Professor Farnsworth: That proves nothing! And furthermore, you'd think I could remember a thing like that; plus, who are you anyway?

[Hermes has discovered that his head was attached backwards.]

Hermes: You incompetent crab!

Dr. Zoidberg: I thought you were happy, your tail was wagging.

Amy: Ahh, don't blame yourself, Bender.

Bender: I don't blame myself, I blame all of you!

Amy: Us? How can you possibly blame us!?

Bender: It ain't easy, it just proves how great I am.

Bender: [shivering] It's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency.

Leela: What are you, a whining machine?

Fry: I don't get it. How can you say Lars is more mature than me?

Leela: Well, for one thing his checkbook doesn't have The Hulk on it.

Leela: I can't command this many ships.

Hermes: Perhaps I can help. Professor, can you wire my head directly into the battlegrid?

Professor Farnsworth: I can wire anything directly into anything. I'm the Professor!

Hermes: Then prepare to see a bureaucrat's brain in action!

Futurama Bender Blackjack Quote Creator

Fry: It's foolproof! They can't sign the marriage license if I give them a pen with NO INK!

Bender: [sarcastic] Yeah, 'cause once they try to sign the license, all hell'll break loose. [Bender turns away and mutters] Oy vey.

[The scammers are threatening the planet express crew with Professor Farnsworth's Sphero-Boom]

Nudar: So what'll it be, unconditional surrender -

Leela: Never!

Nudar: - Or total destruction?

Leela: Also never!

Nudar: You have thirty seconds - make up your minds!

Leela: NEVER!

[Leela is shouting orders during the battle to reclaim Earth]

Leela: Unit 10 - Target H, 16K - niner, niner! Go left - I mean right!

Sal: Whoas!

Leela: 55U, 8R, 2P!

Professor Farnsworth: [Speaking to Hattie McDoogal] BINGO!

Futurama Bender Blackjack Quote Generator

[Nibbler attempts to stop the scammers from using the time code.]

Nibbler: Stop, you fool!

Leela: Nibbler, you can talk?!

Nibbler: I can do more than talk; I can pontificate!

Lars: Hello, everyone who isn't Leela! And a special hello to everyone else!

Hermes: Shut your lockers and get to class!

Fry: Can you save Hermes 'Doctor Good and Sexy?'

Dr. Cahill: I told you my name is Doctor Cahill.

Hermes: Figures I had to get mingled while the blonde bimbo is on duty.

Dr. Cahill: I am a doctor, sir. The mere fact that I am blonde and have a breathy voice, full, sensual lips, and a steaming hot body doesn't make me a bimbo.

Dr. Zoidberg: Tell me about it.

Hermes: I think we've all learned a thing or two about sexual stereotypes while my head's slowly dying because I'm not in a jar yet, you bimbo!

Dr. Cahill: Oh. Right. Ditzy Witzy!

[Professor Farnsworth is considering selling some of his doomsday devices to Hedonismbot]

Professor Farnsworth: Ooh, be careful!

Hedonismbot: I shan't touch them 'till I've had Djambi lock the absinthe and ether away. Ooh, what does this one do? [Hedonismbot grabs one of the doomsday devices]

Professor Farnsworth: Uh, that one kills everything everywhere.

Hedonismbot: Delightful! [Hedonismbot accidentally knocks the device from the shelf.] And this one?

Professor Farnsworth: Sir, the Sphero-Boom is not for sale, it's my sentimental favorite.

Hedonismbot: No need to explain, I too have known unconventional love.

Marine Biologist: Leelu is a rare toothed female narwhal who got disoriented and washed up in Atlantic City, as we all do from time to time...

[Fry is recounting how he survived his trip to the past.]

Fry: Oh, it's an astonishing tale of incredibleness. It all began went I went back in time.

Professor Farnsworth: Duh!

[Nudar is ordering Bender to kill Fry]

Nudar: You know what to do.

Bender: You want me to concludify him, like some sort of dispatcherator?

Nudar: Yes, and don't forget to terminate him.

Futurama Bender Blackjack Quote Symbol

[Nudar is telling Bender how to steal the Sphero-Boom from the professor.]

Nudar: You'll need jeweller's tools and foot cup silencers.

Bender: Hey, I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do!

Nudar: Hey, that's perfect! We sit back and let Dumb-Dumb here do the stealing!

Bender: Dumb-Dumb away!

Professor Farnsworth: If Hermes were here, he’d fire you all!

Hermes’ head: I am here!

Professor Farnsworth: Quiet you. In his absence, I’m calling a mandatory company security seminar. To the mandatorium!

Nudar: Faster, faster!

Professor Farnsworth: I’m sciencing as fast as I can

Lars: I'm not afraid of you or your expensive gun! Go ahead and shoot!

Nudar: [pointing his gun at Leela] Oh, yeah? Then what if I kill the woman you love?

Leela: Don't you understand, numb-neck? He doesn't love me!

Lars: [crying] I've... always loved you. Don't hurt her. I'll give you the code.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

• Bender's Big Score quotes at the Internet Movie Database